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Seven
[ Snehal ]
Dearest Little R,
You are seven today, SEVEN!
The month of June always reminds me of that June before you were born. The reality of becoming a mother, taking on such an important identity, becoming responsible for another human being with all my heart and soul began to really sink in during that month. The feelings of excitement, happiness and a little anxiety of course swirled deep within the pit of my stomach.
Fast forward seven years and I cannot help but think that time is indeed a true magician. Today, you play a variety of sports: tennis, football, cricket, swimming and even chess. I am non-biased when I say that you are talented in all of these as evidenced by the feedback we receive from your coaches. Your love for animals and nature remains as strong as it was when you were a baby and this consistency is strangely reassuring. You are also making us proud at school. However what makes my heart soar is to see how kind and sensible you are.
With each passing year I want to treasure the parts of you that time the magician is slowly making disappear. Your precious innocence, your spontaneous “I love yous' ', you outgrowing my lap.
Why don’t they warn you that motherhood is a constant state of confusion between wanting to hold on and the need to let go
The other day someone asked me “Do you feel your age?” and that got me thinking about what this might mean for you. So here goes!
What Does SEVEN smell like?
Seven smells like the outdoors - of grass and sunshine and a tiny bit of sweat
Seven smells like grown-up shower gel and toothpaste for big teeth
Seven smells like pots of paint and Playdough “that’s for babies”
Seven smells of lego - plastic, colourful plastic
Seven smells like pencil shavings and erasers
Seven smells like snacks LOADSSS of it
Seven smells like sun sunscreen that is carefully applied
Seven smells like the initiative to bake cookies and brownies
Seven smells like your baby smell that still lingers but only in your hair
Seven smells like laughter, bucketfuls of empathy, loads of confidence, piles of kindness and just that little hint of sass
What Does Seven FEEL Like?
Seven feels like your baby fat melting away
Seven feels like double the energy of when you were 3
Seven feels like sometimes being told off by a mini version of myself
Seven feels like going without a bath for 2 days straight and still feeling fresh!
Seven feels like real responsibility for your younger siblings
Seven feels like the need to escape to your corner of comfort
Seven feels like constantly wondering if certain foods will uproot your wobbly teeth
Seven feels like leadership, intelligence, energy and loads of fun!
What Does SEVEN TASTE like?
Seven tastes like the sheer satisfaction of eating an ice lolly on a hot summer’s day
Seven tastes like the willingness to explore and the ability to adapt
Seven tastes like knowing exactly what and when you want it
Seven tastes like realising the meaning of true friendship
Seven tastes like taking true pride in your work
Seven tastes like a thirst for adventure
Seven tastes like recognising the flavour of success
Seven tastes like that bittersweet emotion of saying goodbye
What Does SEVEN SOUND like?
“Mummy are you ok?”
“Don’t be naughty, can’t you see mummy is tired?”
“Ask me Maths questions! Please?”
“Stop copying meeeee”
“Come with me, don’t be afraid”
“Let’s play in the garden!”
“I read 45 pages in 2 days!!”
“I need a cuddle”
“I love you”
“Where do babies come from?”
“Is God alive?”
What Does SEVEN look like?
I accompanied you to choose new frames for your eyeglasses. There were plenty of frames on display at the opticians. You stood by the display stand, your eyes assessing, full of concentration. I chose a couple of frames for you to try but you rejected those without even trying them on. After a couple more minutes you confidently told the optician “ I would like transparent ones please”. The optician was happy to have made some progress at least with this young customer. You tried out 3 frames and without much deliberation said “I would like these glasses please”. Are you sure I asked you because I did not want you to change your mind after going home. Yes I am very sure you reassured me.
As we walked out of the opticians and made our way towards the car I heard you softly ask “mummy do you know why I wanted those glasses?” And as I looked at you curiously you answered “because I want the same ones as you- we can be twins!” “Awwww darling, I would have never guessed” I said, happiness enveloping us in a bubble. You held on to my hand tightly and we almost floated across the car park.
Snehal is a freelance writer and poet based in Surrey (UK). Her writing primarily reflects her motherhood journey, memories of her own childhood and the essence of everyday moments which she tries to document on her Facebook page,‘ Notes On The Go’. She has authored three poetry chapbooks, ‘Pause’, ‘I Am’ and ‘In Between Love’. Snehal’s debut memoir PapaMa’s Portrait is due to be published this year. Snehal is also a Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease (YOPD) warrior and creates awareness about the condition through her writing. You can find her on Instagram: @notessonthego