Lovelorn by Chloe Adams

I love the phrase I miss you so bad 

So bad 

Bad like I want to inhale this moment until everything From tongue to

toes, curl and crinkle


Carry it in the wet depths of my lungs


Until we finally touch pink lips again 

And I can kiss it into your mouth


Let this missing find home on the backs of your teeth, on the beast of your tongue 

Bad like the 11th century fresco of Mary in St. Sofija


Glistening tears topple down her face


She cannot break through the light around her child to caress him We

never agreed to share our loves with the open-wound world Now, we

both brim over with missing 

Bad like the yearning wildflowers dotting the trail’s edge All I see is the

periwinkle of your veins


Bleeding beauty all over the place


This missing makes a mess of me 

Bad like I’m jealous of the past


When you tell your moonlit stories of dancing in sticky dive bars


I feel not being there in my chest


I cannot believe you didn’t emerge, a fresh thundering foal, to me alone

Missing turns me nostalgic for memories I don’t own 

Bad like your fresh cut hair shorn too close


I need its fistfuls


Brown waves catch light between my fingertips Anchor me to you 

This missing floats me out into open waters 

Bad, bad, bad


This missing infinite


This missing dirty
This missing bare


Baby, this missing so bad 

Chloe Adams (she/her) is a poet and educator residing in the Bay Area of California. She writes creative nonfiction about mental health, navigating romance, and exploring familial identity. Chloe has been previously published in Free Verse Revolution and Querencia Press. You can connect with her further at @chloes1amwrites on Instagram.